Good Jovi

Well thanks to Bon Jovi playing a very wet gig a Murrayfield Stadium this evening my missus, who works opposite the, ahem, home of rugby was a little delayed in getting to the train station after fighting her way through the throngs of 40-something year old women who were queueing up in the rain to see the spandex wearing poodle permed rawkers! So by the time she got home to relieve me of baby sitting our 3 year old, who thinks he is Spider Man, it was almost time for the lesson to start.

Well I could have legged it and got there 10 minutes late, but 'teacher' is on holiday this week and goodness knows what knuckle dragging disinterested yoof would be looking after us anyway so I thought I might try something different. By some unfunny coincidence the other midweek evening adult class is also on a Wednesday evening, however this one is an hour long and starts at 7.30pm. Hmm! I decided to give it a go.  For a change I could hang out with my family, on a Wednesday,  and cook dinner and it would all be relaxed and civilised, even with a tiny super hero at the table.

Off I toddled to the local Community High School and wandered in, paid my money and was greeted by the swim teacher, a lovely ol' dear called Brenda. "Don't I know you?" she said. "I don't know, do you?"  I said. Anyway it turns out that we don't know each other I just look like someone she knows,  he is obviously a very good looking chap! There were 2 other ladies there, both older than I, and they could swim and had been taught by Brenda but they just keep coming to cheer on the learners and it's all very cosy and Women's Institute. Already I felt like one of the girls.

Brenda was great from the first moment, as most people were on holiday this week I was the only non swimmer so I had her to myself for most of the time. I explained what I had been doing and the lack of any instruction I had had the previous 4 weeks was obvious and I realised that I had actually been teaching myself to swim, with some useful advice from Adam, but no instruction to speak of really. Crazy! So I just let her start from scratch. She took me to the deep end! A novelty. The first time in my life I have been in the deep end. Obviously holding on to the sides. I had to dunk my head under the water. I was a bit apprehensive at first as I had usually been doing this in 2 feet of water but now it was over 2 metres. My first go was predictably bad with a big mouthful of water, and it was another minute before I had another go. which was better and a third dunk and that was that, off we go back to the shallow end. A cunning wheeze really. 2 minutes work and any  'fear of the deep' has been withdrawn, without even realising it was happening. It's not that deep really.

Breast stroke, no giggling at the back, was on the menu today and what a joy. Obviously I have never tried it before and I fancied having a go. My gosh, there is a lot to remember. However I got a good 30 minutes of practice in. I was shown what to do with hands, what to do with feet. What to do with head. I could do each part on there own no problem, but them together it was tricky but I kept at it and progress was made. It's just practice makes perfect. Just like everything else. Just like drums. Until I got a electronic drum kit in the house I was a great drummer with 2 hands and one leg. Within 2 weeks I had totally mastered 4 way separation and now I actually think I am quite good, and humble to boot. But it's all because I have a kit there I can practice anytime without disturbing anyone at any time of the day. Practice practice practice. So practice I did. By the end it was looking something like swimming. I still had a noodle but to be honest it felt like a super noodle as it was just too buoyant, if that doesn't sound silly. Apparently it's because we are in a proper swimming pool or something, I am not sure I fully understood. Anyway a moment later joy turned to horror as my noodle was traded for, adult arm bands! NOOOOO! O the shame. All those childhood memories came back in an instant. A feeling not unlike being put up on the dining room table in a kilt and everyone marching round looking up, pointing, shaking their heads and commenting. I don't recall that ever really happening but that would be a darn sight better than wearing arm bands. Wouldn't it?

Well maybe but by now I trusted teacher and was happy to do as I was told. Actually it worked really well. Perhaps they are the best thing after all. Makes sense when you think about it. Just like stabilizers on your bike when you are a kid.  I continued getting further and further away from the side and swimming in. I managed maybe 4 strokes before reaching the sides so, although not quite half way it was certainly a third of a breadth. I think that's what it's called.

We did loads of other stuff tonight like trying to tread water, not a complete success and O I can't even remember. It all seemed to go so quick, and it was an hour. My longest lesson so far and the most enjoyable.  Maybe I will remember more about it in the morning.

I feel now after 4 wasted weeks and now with a new teacher in a proper pool that I am finally learning, and that I think that soon I will be able to swim a little. Brenda is a great teacher, I feel she will be every bit as thrilled as I will be when I swim a breadth.

So to recap.

Thanks go to Bon Jovi for helping my missus miss her train.

Apparently you can't really teach adults to swim in a kiddies training puddle, it needs to be in a proper pool. No doubt something to do with physics or mechanics or something sciencey.

O and most importantly if you are not getting anything from your lessons, then change your teacher. I can't tell you how amazing I feel about life, the universe and all the other stuff in it, and it's all because I have a good teacher.

O and finally Bon Jovi is French for Good Jovi, apparently.

Keep that faith, folks!